I was so tired, but now everything seems alright..

I now feel like I can go to the states without looking back and regretting a thing. I am so ready to go. I haven't said goodbye to everyone, but you know.. I will be back in 10 months! I know it sounds like a long time, and it also seemed like a long time in the beginning. I just realised that.. those past couple of years I've lived as if every day was the same old routine. I need to step out of the shadow, and try something new. Something exciting. Something challenging. I feel like I'm trapped in a circle, but it needs to break now. I am so thankful for getting this opportunity. Thanks for believing in me. I believe this will change my life. Hopefully a good change.

So this is so not in the same category, and it's very personal. But I'd like to share it with you, whoever you are. There's one thing I really hate about myself, but I can't help it, it's just who I am. You know the saying

"Before you let go, Remember why you held on, for so long.."

.
When a person is/or have been special to me, I am really bad at letting go. That's not a thing to hate, I know. But I really fight for it, until the person gives up and stays by my side. That's the thing I hate, I am being selfish. I don't care if the person ends up being hurt, I just want them to stay beside me. When a person enter my life, and they choose to walk beside me, I can't understand why they would leave me behind. And that's what I fight for. If there is a strong bond between two, and it disappears, it should not make them part. Relationships/friendships should keep on growing, cause no matter what - There was SOMETHING, and that SOMETHING should NOT be thrown away just because some thing that happened. That's how I think, and seriously, I should stop that. I have hurt a lot of people by being selfish, and I am regretful of that. But something inside me says "if you let go now, you will never know if something really good would have happened.". In that case, probability is that the opposite would happen. Oh I'm babbling, it's probably not understandable, but really.. I wish I wouldn't be like that. When people wants to leave me, they should just leave. Because holding on to something that is not wanted from both sides, will just ruin everything.

I am in love with this guy. It's complicated, but right now.. No one else feels right for me. I'm bad at straight out answers, I'm scared that I will hurt someone. Don't fall for me. It will only cause you pain.

He likes me.
He cherishes me.
He wants me.
He touches me.
He follows me.
He cares for me.
He is there for me.
He is sacrificing for me.
He lives for me.
He loves me.

..But that is not enough, because he is not you.